Jonah 1

God had a word with Jonah, Amittai's boy.

“Get yourself up to Nineveh — big smoke, shocking reputation — and tell 'em straight. I've seen what they've been up to.”

So Jonah went the exact opposite way. Down to Joppa, found a boat headed for Tarshish, paid his fare and hopped on — reckoned he could put a bit of distance between himself and God.

God sent a howler of a wind across the water. Storm came up so hard the boat was about to come to bits.

The crew are terrified. Every bloke's yelling out to whatever god he's got, and they're heaving cargo over the side to lighten her up. And Jonah? Down below, out cold.

Skipper finds him and says, “How are you asleep? Get up and sing out to your God. Might be He'll take some notice and we won't all cark it.”

Crew get together: “Let's draw straws and work out whose fault this is.” They draw. Jonah gets the short one.

“Right,” they said. “Out with it. Whose fault is this? What do you do for a crust? Where are you from? Who are your people?”

“I'm a Hebrew,” says Jonah. “I follow the Lord, God of heaven — the one who made the sea and the land both.”

Well, that put the wind up 'em properly. “What have you gone and done?” — because he'd already told 'em he was doing a runner from God.

Sea's getting worse by the minute. “What are we supposed to do with you,” they said, “to settle this thing down?”

“Pick me up and chuck me over the side,” says Jonah. “She'll go quiet. This is on me, I know it.”

But the blokes wouldn't have it. They rowed like mad for the shore. Couldn't get there — sea just kept building against 'em.

So they sang out to God: “Please don't let us all go down over this bloke. Don't put innocent blood on our hands. You've done what You've done.”

So they picked him up and over he went. And the sea went dead calm.

Well, that shook 'em. They made an offering to God then and there, and made Him some promises.

Meanwhile God had a whopping great fish lined up. Down goes Jonah — three days and three nights in the belly of it.